Episode 26: "England, Where All The History Is"

If you get the reference, I tip my hat to you* (the absurd one with the English Flag on it). Yes, today was historic London day for me, which mostly means I went to Westminster Abbey and The Tower of London (because seriously, you should only do two things with a lot of walking in one day. My feet are sore).

Montana went with me into London, which was nice. I may not have had anyone to do the tourist thing with, but I had a friend to ride the train there. The magnetic strip on her travelcard had stopped working for some reason (can you believe it? Only a week before we head home?) so I went with her to the ticket office in Waterloo. Where we encountered Loud Shouty Brit With A Train To Catch (which he yelled quite a few times). He was at one of the ticket counters and just exploded using the F-word and calling the people wankers, saying he was going to jump the train. It was shocking and sort of exciting at the same time.

Then Montana and I got up to the counter and were asked what our postcode was. Which we had no clue about. I don't even know the address since I figured I wouldn't need to know it. No one was sending me mail and if I say Seething Wells Dorms, people generally know where I'm going. It was sort of intimidating. But we eventually got it sorted out and we headed for the Underground, parting ways to our respective trains.

I got to Westminster and went to buy my ticket. There are two separate sides that you can go in, one for cash and one for cards. I headed to the card one and was walking in when the guard stops me and says "who're you with now?" And it wasn't nice, it was accusing, like I was sneaking into the abbey. I was like "I thought this was the line for paying with a card. 'Cause I have a card." (Yes, that part sounds a little idiotic). Then he was like "yes, it is. You can go ahead now," as though I were some idiot. Well that's how it made me feel anyway.

The no camera rule was in effect here as well, although I sort of understand it since you don't want to disturb the worshippers who come. I don't like it, but I understand it. The abbey was lovely, and I really really wish I understood Latin. Most of the plaques were in Latin and while I could have had an audio guide, I like to wander on my own, without some guide telling me where to go. And sometimes the information is just excess and not what I'm there for.

The abbey is a little cluttered from all the monuments and tombs within it. Not overly so, but a bit. It seems like anyone who wanted to be important or have their loved one remembered as important (and had the power or money to pull it off) had a tomb or a statue. It made for some close spaces with other people.

One thing I loved was the tomb of Elizabeth I, Mary I, and Edward IV. I loved that all of Henry VIII's children were buried together, even though there were major issues between Mary and Elizabeth. It makes me hope that maybe they were able to resolve their problems when they met in the afterlife. There was even a little inscription in their tomb that said something along the lines of "Here lie two sisters, together as a remembrance to all those who lost their lives for religious differences in the Reformation." I liked it.

I also liked getting to see the tomb of Henry VIII's parents Henry VII and Elizabeth. Mostly, I got a kick out of this because of the Jude Deveraux book they gave me in which the couple are side characters (there was also an effigy of Elizabeth in the cloisters museum. She was short but pretty. Also, wax models creep me out. Which is why I had no inclination to go to Madame Tussuad's). They seem to be one of those couples who had a quiet life, since you don't hear much about them.

They also had a whole section with tributes to writers. I saw a monument for Shakespeare, Chaucer's tomb, as well as stones for DH Lawrence, Dickens and Lord Byron. It was sort of neat. I like writerly tributes, although I may have liked it more if I knew more about these people rather than just knowing their names through passing.

You know what is not neat? Rude gift shop workers. There had been no photography in the abbey. I understand that completely. But the gift shop was outside the abbey, separate even. So I took out my camera and took a couple of pictures (which no other gift shop owner has stopped me from doing at any other time on this trip). The lady snaps at me "No pictures!" Which I can understand telling someone this, if it's policy (it's not fair, but I would respect it) but there was no need to snap at me.

Although I suppose she balances out the nice church person (I have no idea what the ranks are our if he was security or what) who asked if I was okay in the abbey when I'd paused. Maybe I looked a little lost or overwhelmed. But it was nice of him to make sure I was okay.

After the abbey, I headed back to the tube and took it to London Bridge so I could get to the pier. As I came out of the Tube, I got a little lost and confused as to where the pier would be. There was a guy out in front of the station, advertising The London Dungeon (another well-known tourist trap) with another guy. He had face make-up and everything. He turned to me as I was looking lost and said "Free hug?"

Which maybe I should have said no to (you know, young woman alone in London and all that jazz) and I almost did say no, but there were lots of people around, my purse was securely zipped so I'd feel if anything happened to it and I stood back a little from the hug. He seemed surprised (and delighted) and asked if I was waiting for someone. I said that I was trying to find the pier. So he pointed it out to me on this little map, gave me the map, and sent me on my way.

Now, those of you who know me well may be aghast at this point. What? Ashleigh is going to voluntarily take a boat? And believe me, I know from where this skepticism comes. I would normally be right there with you. But I felt that riding a boat to the Tower would be more epic than simply taking the Tube there. It gives you the feel of what it would have been like to go to the Tower in the past.

This is not to say I will now be a boat-happy water baby. I have found I still do not like boats. I am very happy the trip was just one stop away because I was starting to feel a little dizzy and sick from the rocking. I do not like rocking. I like not having to wonder whether the wobbling is in my head or not. But the boat approach was pretty cool.

I went and bought my ticket and got an unexpected laugh. I was getting everything settled in my purse when the woman in line behind me tells her four year old son to behave or the ticket person is going to chop off his head like Anne Boelyn. And at four, he totally knew what that meant. I said to the woman "That threat would never work in America" and she was like "Yes, he knows what it means at four. And he knows what happens to bad wives." This about made my day.

The Tower itself was a lot of fun to wander around. And I do mean wander, since there didn't seem to be a definite order to where you went when (triple W score!) And something people don't always realize about the Tower is that there were royal apartments there. Kings and Queens sometimes lived there so there were some bedchambers and chapels, and halls.

The Tower was also used as a fortress, so they had stuff about that as well. Which was really, really cool. Like a crossbow (which would have been much easier to wield if it hadn't been chained down.) And a helmet, that was very heavy (Like turn your neck to jelly over time heavy. But it was deceptive because it didn't seem that heavy at first. Not until you wore it a little). I was starting to get a headache after just a few minutes of wear. I can't imagine wearing it all the time.

And then of course you get to The White Tower, which was known for keeping prisoners, but not just any prisoners, the ones who had committed serious crimes against the crown. Since I looked up, as I always do, I have come to the conclusion that part of their punishment was normal ceilings. "No pretty ceilings for you prisoner. You just have to look at bare rafters and blank slate." (oh come on, you wish you were this cool too.)

The White Tower exhibition was a little frustrating because a lot of it was armory, which I didn't care about. And the prisoner stuff was on the top level. So you climb stairs, weave through the exhibits on that level, climb more stairs, weave again, climb more stairs and finally reach the small amount about prisoners. Was still cool though.

And then I walked down The Spiraling Staircase of Doom. Oh. My. God. There were so. Many. Stairs. It just kept going and going and going and my legs started turning to jelly and I was afraid I'd never reach the end. The end, by the way, ended up being a gift shop. In which I spotted something I really wanted for my dad, which meant I had to get another souvenir for each of my family members (I want it all to be equal). And so I spent far too much money today, but had a lot of fun.

I took two tube trains back to Waterloo (because of course it couldn't be so simple as I could just get one back) and jumped on a train leaving for Surbiton. Then I spent fifteen or so minutes waiting for the slowest bus in the universe. And I'm pretty sure it's screwing with some sort of time space continuum since I swear I saw it go the opposite way twice before it came my way. The black arts are not to be trifled with Bus System.

Finally got to my room and kicked my shoes off, flopping on my bed so my feet could throb their aggravation at me. Yes poor legs and feet, I am sorry. But you still will have some walking to do tomorrow. The good news is I am completely done with my portfolio for Creative Writing. The bad-ish news is I have to get up about seven tomorrow so I can get to the computer lab and print it off before heading to Richmond and getting there by ten. Oh well. I can sleep in August.

Today's lesson: boats still suck, but can be used to make a dramatic entrance. Also, little children should always know threats based in history. Ciao.

*Eddie Izzard in case you didn't and you